That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
