I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
