Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
