all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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