Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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