Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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