i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
