i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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