Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
