suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
