he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
