A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
