Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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