Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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