Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
