Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
