i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
