Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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