Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize