So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize