how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I need a beard to bite.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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