i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
