She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize