i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
