How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I want to fling myself into the sun
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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