I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
