something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize