Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
