I accidentally burped into my bong.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
