I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
