Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
you made out with another girl for some wings
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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