why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
