My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
