I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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