Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize