Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
