im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
