This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
