just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
