I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I deserve this hangover.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize