just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
