whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
