Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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