ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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