I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
