i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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