mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
