just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
