i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
