so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
