worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
