maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
