i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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