We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
