No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
