there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
