Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
it's like heaven, but drunker
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
