just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
