Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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