just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Found the puke drawer
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
