over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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