Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
