If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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