She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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