OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
