It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
