God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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