nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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