He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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