bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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