Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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